Well here I am back on British soil and my mind is still spinning slightly from the fact that this time yesterday I was swimming in a pool in Palma and planning evening cocktails on the Marina. It feels kind of like I just woke up from an awesome dream. We had an amazing time. Elin did too, she was absolutely fine without me and is sitting here now smiling away wondering where the Spanish Lady costume came from (oh, you KNEW I was never coming back from Spain without a Spanish Lady costume for her) I would highly recommend Palma to anyone, stunning, sedate and distinctly un-touristy. I am hoping to get back one day for sure. My wonderful friend, Jenny, deserves a special mention again. I never would have gone had she not insisted. She knew that, hence the insistence. When you've been friends with someone for 17 years you get to know them pretty damn well. She knew me better than I knew myself, knew I NEEDED a holiday, knew I would 'umm' and 'ahhh' about going because of Elin, but knew above all I would absolutely love it. Boy, was she right. relaxing isn't the word!!
Anyway back to Elin, as this is a blog about her after all! As blog regulars will know this was my first time abroad in seven years and also my longest time away from her in her whole life (four nights including the travelling) so, how was it? Did I miss her?
No.
Wait. Before you dash off to call Childline I need you to know something.
Not an hour went by where I didn't think of her or wonder what she was doing. Bedtime was strange, no little kiss on her cheek before I fell to sleep. It was even weirder not seeing her face in the morning and I felt kind of like I had lost a limb. My stomach lurched each time Paul didn't pick up the phone straight away and once when I couldn't get hold of him I text my Mum and my Dad to keep calling him too. (He was just in the garden, Elin was safely asleep in bed. Oops)
So I missed her of course I did. I would be a pretty weird Mum if I hadn't. BUT...not enough to impede my holiday. There I said it, sue me. I enjoyed not being Elins Mum for that three days, I really did. It felt so nice just to be me again. I had nothing to think about and Jenny and I had nobody to please but ourselves. No timetables or routine. Just what a holiday should be and just what the doctor ordered after a hectic few weeks leading up to the Summer hols. I understand a little more what Lily Allen said about time away from her kids being good for her, even though she was vilified by the press for it. It reminded me of who I was 'before' I was a Mum, when nothing much mattered apart from what you were doing in the next few hours or so. Any Mum that says she couldn't possibly have even just a small break for her kids because she would miss them too much is frankly lying or completely bonkers. Having a child and becoming a Mum should not mean that is now ALL you are. It's the biggest part, the best part, but not the whole of you. However that said, funnily enough, having a break also reminded me of what I was missing without Elin in my life, all the things I love about being a parent. I guess it's like that saying "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" except that's not quite right, in this case "Absence makes the heart realise how important breaks are from your kids but also how much they own your heart completely no matter what you do" - but that's not as 'snappy' is it, deffo wouldn't fit on a fridge magnet :-)
No.
Wait. Before you dash off to call Childline I need you to know something.
Not an hour went by where I didn't think of her or wonder what she was doing. Bedtime was strange, no little kiss on her cheek before I fell to sleep. It was even weirder not seeing her face in the morning and I felt kind of like I had lost a limb. My stomach lurched each time Paul didn't pick up the phone straight away and once when I couldn't get hold of him I text my Mum and my Dad to keep calling him too. (He was just in the garden, Elin was safely asleep in bed. Oops)
So I missed her of course I did. I would be a pretty weird Mum if I hadn't. BUT...not enough to impede my holiday. There I said it, sue me. I enjoyed not being Elins Mum for that three days, I really did. It felt so nice just to be me again. I had nothing to think about and Jenny and I had nobody to please but ourselves. No timetables or routine. Just what a holiday should be and just what the doctor ordered after a hectic few weeks leading up to the Summer hols. I understand a little more what Lily Allen said about time away from her kids being good for her, even though she was vilified by the press for it. It reminded me of who I was 'before' I was a Mum, when nothing much mattered apart from what you were doing in the next few hours or so. Any Mum that says she couldn't possibly have even just a small break for her kids because she would miss them too much is frankly lying or completely bonkers. Having a child and becoming a Mum should not mean that is now ALL you are. It's the biggest part, the best part, but not the whole of you. However that said, funnily enough, having a break also reminded me of what I was missing without Elin in my life, all the things I love about being a parent. I guess it's like that saying "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" except that's not quite right, in this case "Absence makes the heart realise how important breaks are from your kids but also how much they own your heart completely no matter what you do" - but that's not as 'snappy' is it, deffo wouldn't fit on a fridge magnet :-)
So I realise time apart is necessary for both Elin and I. Whether I'm at home, or abroad, or out with some friends, or at work, or out having dinner with Paul I can be Ruth again for periods of time and really, really enjoy myself. But being Elin's Mum is who I am since the moment I had her, and when I'm in some old folks home one day in the future and they ask me what I did with my life I can tell them I had the best of two amazing worlds. The long version of the story will be what a great life I enjoyed and all the things I did and all the friends, love and adventures I had. But ultimately I will feel so lucky and proud to be able to tell them the short version. I was Elin's Mummy. Since 6:28am on 22/07/08, that's who I became and who I remained, for always.
Me not being Elin's mummy with Jenny :-)
*Disclaimer* I don't plan on meeting my maker or anyone else who may ask me what I did with my life any time soon. Also, to be quite honest if I do end up in an old folks home one day I hope I will be too a) blissfully senile or b) continually drunk on whisky/brandy/sherry to remember much about my life at all, but I was just trying to making a point :-) ;-) ;-)
Off to throw Elin's friend Megan a garden party for her birthday now. So buenos dias blog fans, have a good week and maybe think about booking yourself a short holiday- no kids allowed ;-) You really won't regret it, I promise
xxxxxxx
Glad you had a great time, it's lovely to get away if only for a short while.
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