Sunday, 20 October 2013
Cos you gotta have faith..
Not being of a particularly religious persuasion I found myself crying at Songs of Praise today. Yup, I like a bit of Songs Of Praise! Think it reminds me of being a child and that Sunday cosy feeling and the hymns sound nice and remind me of my happy school days! Plus Elin likes music and we watch it together. (Just don't tell anyone we watch it ok? It will totally ruin our street cred). Anyway this guy was talking about his faith and how he was on the streets and an alcoholic. Then he was saved by a Christian group and his faith has pulled him through. It was so moving to hear him speak and especially how he had turned his life around through his beliefs. Then another lady told her story of how she was a single mother with four children in a new city and feeling alone, and her faith pulled her through. Very emotional. But ultimately I have to admit to feeling something akin to jealousy. How wonderful it must be, to have such unwavering faith in something? Even when things are going horribly wrong for you, to know that this is a pre-designed path and that you are meant to be on it, and everything will turn out ok....and if it doesn't, you will have the strength to deal with it. It must be such a comfort and it's a comfort that can be definitely missing from your life when you have a child balanced procariously on the edge of good health all the time. I am not about to become hugely religious. But it got me thinking. All those times people tell you that 'God doesn't choose parents who can't cope, that's why he sent Elin to you' (and you want to punch them in the mouth, hard)..that's just what they believe. That there is a plan for everything and everyone. I can totally see the appeal, because a lot of this journey is a struggle to understand, and a repeat of the question circling in your head...why? why? why??That is a question that fades with time but that I really hope to lay to rest for good one day. Although, for the time being I cannot put my faith in the God I prayed to throughout pregnancy for 'everything to be ok with the baby' , i will believe instead in friendships, family, and love. For now, that will be the faith that pulls me through, as we are lucky because thanks to those that surround us, it is a faith that never wavers.
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