Buggin'

I have had a bug the last part of this week and never being ill (I don't have time to be il!) I'm not that good at dealing with it. I suppose a rogue wisdom tooth and stitches in my back after having some horrible moles removed hasn't helped- I feel about 93! So, I've been a bit-not myself. Thankfully, Elin has been amazing. The only thing keeping me going this week has been seeing her so happy! However, she has been pretty dystonic today and yesterday and absolutely terrible on the lengthy school bus ride home. It takes quite a while for her to stop spasming when she gets home when she is like this. Im sure you can imagine what that's like and I won't bore you as I have blogged about it many, many times before. But I will never ever get used to seeing her so happy and joyful one day and so distressed the next. Never is the need to want to talk with her more heartbreaking than when she isn't happy. I live with a lack of communication with Elin, but I never accept it. Yes, thankfully we can communicate with her in our own way. But I don't want to communicate with her in our own way. I want to talk to her, and I never will. Sometimes this barely enters my head (good times) but sometimes it weighs on me like I'm trapped under a building (bad times). The highs almost make the lows even worse. Or, do the lows make the highs even better? Who can say. I only know I wish that things were different.

Have a good weekend folks
(don't worry, I'll cheer up soon. Im about to have a creme egg for a start)
xxx