Forgive me blog, for I have sinned. It's been a while since my lost post.
Someone said to me that they know when I don't post that things aren't too good. Very true. Things aren't too good.
Poor Elin is suffering. This means that I feel like kicking someone's face in. No, that's wrong (and possibly a bit on the violent side). I feel like kicking the face in of the invisible monster that lives with us in our home. The fifth member of our family since July 2008. Cerebral Palsy. But I can't. Like I say, it's invisible. So instead, I push on, struggling to keep my rage at bay whilst a thousand questions run through my head (which surface usually and generally only, when Elin isn't well and I can see she isn't happy).
Why did this have to happen? Why did this happen to her? Kids get sick, I know. But everything affects Elin so much worse. Because of WHAT HAPPENED. Because of the Cerebral Palsy. Because her brain was mashed at the very moment it should have been inflating with its first breath of oxygen and opening up a world to her and delivering the planet a new healthy human being capable of endless and infinite possibility. Let's face it, if we want to be maudlin tonight (and I do) a winter bug could kill her. It has killed many kids like her and even those we know, and loved. WHY. WHY. WHY.
I can't and shouldn't dwell anymore. She's not panic-time ill or even hospital-visit ill. But she's ill and struggling with a bunged up sinus system and a poorly tummy and that's crap enough for you or I but when you can't ask for help or specify whats wrong, or say what will make you feel better? Torture, surely. And raise your hand if you'd be happy seeing your child in a torturous situation. No. Exactly.
I was going to upload a video I took a couple of hours ago for those of you that I know are missing Elins happy face updates. I don't think I can upload it because potentially it might upset you, blog fan. Her breathing is very noisy and whilst we are certain she is not in danger it doesn't make for particularly nice viewing. But the reason I was going to upload it is because it is indicative of Elin's spirit that today, despite drifting in and out of sleep and breathing like a pig in labour, she was laughing. At her OWN snorting and struggling. Can you believe it? Paul and I are more depressed than a Turkey on Christmas Eve and she's sat there chuckling her head off.
What a girl.
I will update as soon as I have better news blog readers. In the meantime please keep your fingers crossed or wish upon a star or even pray if you think it will work- that she will get better soon. She's been ill since before Christmas. It just isn't fair.