At the moment I am not 'living with cerebral palsy' as the title of my blog suggests, merely existing with it. Things are tough, on many levels. I feel completely and utterly defeated. Somebody up there is sure taking the mick out of me and having a bloody good laugh at my expense. What's up big guy? Was there nothing on the telly tonight? Did you think you would hurl a few more problems at me and watch how I react for your own amusement? Actually, what I feel like-not to martyr myself in any way you understand- is the Terminator. He of the first film, who kept getting shot in the chest and getting back up again and taking more shots. I have been taking hits for two years- longer than two years actually if you chuck the IVF into the equation- with nothing to do but get myself back on my feet again. In an out-of-body experience way, I wonder how much of this one person can take, how many upsets and how many stresses. At what point does the Terminator stay on the ground?
I feel that the Big man has ensured that Elin has the best people to support, nourish and encourage her with all her special needs. He made sure that he placed her in hands that would love and protect her through thick and thin and although there may seem to be more times than you can count where you feel you can't cope and do this anymore, you still do. Our little girl needed more care than we could give her, Elin needs your care and you are enough for her. You don't have to be perfect, you just have to try, and lover her. One friend of mine told me to try and capture a moment of happiness and if need be every day take 5 and re-live that moment, hold fast to it and remind yourself of the love you have for her.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you, it's not easy I'm sure. xx