Living with Cerebral Palsy 🍋🍋

Thursday, 20 July 2017

Nine things I would tell myself on the day Elin was born.

Happy 9th Birthday to Elin!!
 Needless to say it's going to be an emotional weekend. I've been thinking about how utterly terrified I was on the day Elin was born in 2008 and in the days/weeks/months that followed. How nothing seemed like it would ever be the same again. I really, really wish I could hop into the Tardis and go back and give my 26 year-old self some advice. So that's what this post is, nine things on Elin's ninth birthday that I would tell myself as I sat by her cot in Special Care.
Nine practical things I wish I'd known, that may have helped, just a little.
Everything will be ok.

What happened to Elin during her birth was completely and utterly, categorically100% not your fault.

When you get home things will not magically become ok. Getting Elin home from Special Care is not the end, it's only the beginning. It will take months before you even start feeling anywhere close to 'normal' again. Don't pressurise yourself to bounce back. Don't pressurise yourself to do anything. 

Don’t feel obliged to see your Mum friends and their babies. They will be incredibly kind but cannot possibly understand what you are going through in their warm and fuzzy glow. The milestones their babies are hitting are too painful to watch as Elin lies like a beautiful and precious china doll in your arms.  Instead get in touch with another Mummy in your position. There will be nothing more invaluable to you than another Mum who understands your emotions-all seven hundred of them- without you having to say a word. Anybody else will still be there when you are ready.

Ask for help. Ask for people to bring you cooked meals, let your mum do your washing when she offers. Stop trying to be brave. Nobody expects it. Cry as often as you like. Get counselling, its not shameful or weak, its there to help. 

Don’t be sorry when you see that older child with severe disabilities. Don’t be heartbroken and terrified that the girl with the floppy body, flailing limbs and adult bib will one day be Elin. Because when one day that IS Elin, that is not what you will see when you pass another child like this. You will see her amazing sunny smile, it will make you smile, too. You'll see  the laughter at her Mum’s voice and the unmistakable bond between them as she sings her a favourite song. You will be thrilled with how strong she looks and how well she seems. You will exchange a knowing glance of solidarity with the Mum pushing the chair looking back at you.  There will be a world of pain and exhaustion but mostly immense joy and gratitude in that one glance. You are united in a special club, the secret club only a handful of parents will ever understand, of what it’s like to raise your amazing, wonderful, loving, incredible severely disabled children. Pity will not even enter your head.

You will experience more compassion, kindness, love and understanding from your family, your friends, work colleagues, acquaintances and even complete strangers than you ever thought possible. You will realise the world is not always a bad place. You will see the goodness in people’s hearts in how they respond to Elin and you will count your lucky stars every day for those that surround you. These people will save your life without ever even knowing it.

 One day, when the pain has ebbed away, when the memories and trauma of this day have faded, when your tears have dried up, when Elin has settled into a life, when there are fewer hospital appointments, when has been seizure free for eighteen months, when she goes to a school she loves and is happy every single day, when smiling is the very first thing she does after opening her eyes, you will be lighting a number ‘9’  candle on her birthday cake, incredulous that you got this far and you will feel like the luckiest Mummy on earth. I promise.

 Everything will be ok. There's nothing to be scared of. Actually, everything will be more than ok.

It will be wonderful.

      Happy Birthday Elin 
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8 comments

  1. Happy 9th Birthday Elin.

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  2. You are amazing!!

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  3. Oh this is just beautiful and perfect and exactly the things that I would tell myself. Happy 9th birthday, you beautiful, amazing girl. Xxx

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  4. Beautiful. I hope someone at the start of a similar journey reads this and feels more confident in what lies ahead for them. Happy birthday Elin!
    #PostsFromtheHeart

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  5. What an amazing and moving post. You have obviously come such a long way on your journey together over the past 9 years. Happy 9th birthday to beautiful Elin! #PostsFromTheHeart

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  6. Such a beautiful post, I love it and I'm sure it will be a comfort to so many mums. I hope Elin had a truly wonderful 9th birthday. #PostsFromTheHeart

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  7. Happy birthday! What a lovely photo at the end - another great read x #postsfromtheheart

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  8. Happy Birthday Beautiful Girl !! You are much stronger than you will ever know #Postsfromtheheart

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