Angel of Anglesey

Well February half term brought two surprises, one extremely wonderful and unexpected break and one bone achingly sad piece of news. These two surprises provided a contrast of emotion so complete this week that I found it quite overwhelming. Deep sorrow flanked by deep joy, or was the joy so potent because it was so infused by a sense of gratitude, a feeling that once again we find ourselves in the amazing position of being able to enjoy such quality time with Elin in the face of the devastation of another family we know?!? Someone once said to me you can’t feel total happiness until you have faced total despair. I would say that is a true statement. Certainly our emotions this week were all the more heightened for knowing, always, just how blessed we were to be able to experience such a lovely half term with our girl. We will never stop taking this position for granted.

So we went to an utterly gorgeous holiday home in Anglesey (thanks to lovely friends of my Mums!!) where we were already lucky enough to stay last October. Crazily I hadn't been there since I was way too small to remember prior to this! Never in a million years did we dream when we booked to stay in the stunning, accessible beach front home that the weather would be more typical of Miami than Wales in February. I might tweet my photos to Donald Trump. If global warming  doesn’t exist perhaps he can offer me an alternative explanation for the unnervingly incredible weather!  Feeling horrendous about our poor dying planet doesn’t have to stop you enjoying the sun though, right? The two are not mutually exclusive (are they!?!!!) So we enjoyed it! I think it’s fair to say it was just what we needed. 

There is little in this world so calming and able to give perspective so brilliantly as gazing out at the sun- soaked sea. It just makes you think everything is going to be alright. 

Even better than the weather was Elin’s mood. Neither of us can remember such a successful break from start to finish including all sitting and all car journeys. She has been outstanding. We thought last time we visited that she loved Anglesey, now we know for sure. The beautiful open plan beach house which is full of light, the salty air, the sound of the sea, the sunshine- the combination- who knows? Something about this place agrees with Elin. Can’t say I blame her. We are already booked to return twice this year and hopefully in the future too. I think we found our home-away-from-home happy place. When Elin is happy, we are overjoyed.

So as you can see from the photos, Elin really did have the best time. We didn't do too much! We walked (rolled), we talked, we found some lovely little cafe's, we sat on the beach (even though we weren't dressed for it!), we gave her lots of cuddles. We even ate good tapas. In Anglesey! Who knew. Everything and anything delighted Elin this week. She was smiling and laughing from the moment she opened her eyes to the moment she closed them at bedtime. It was joyful, but as I've said, never not tinged with a certain sadness. I thank god that Elin knows nothing of this sadness, nor of any sadness and never will. It is the one part of her condition that I can honestly say I am glad of. Elin has the "Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" and boy, does she deserve to.

When trying to process impossibly sad news all we can do once again is take our lead from Elin and face negatives with positives, keep strong in the face of adversity, remember all the good things and acknowledge that we will never forget a beautiful angel with a truly beautiful soul and what we have all learned from being touched by that soul, as beautifully as the sunrise touches the sea-stunningly, wholly, breathtakingly- but far, far too briefly.

Take care everyone

Ruth  x

A Perfect 10

I've been thinking long and hard about what to write for Elin's 10th birthday on the blog. It's such a milestone, a full decade, entering into double figures- I've been really stuck for a way I could accurately pay tribute to what it means to us to be safely here. For the first time since I started the blog I don't think I can find a way to describe how I feel. The emotions are too great and too complex and my writing could never do the occasion justice. I will have to keep it simple, then.

We are so, so happy.

The girl who didn't breathe by herself for 10 long days after birth is 10 years old. What more is there to say? As a weird twist of fate, as I was shopping for last minute party bits in the supermarket on Friday, I bumped into the Consultant who had been on duty the day Elin was born. He asked how she was and I was absolutely over the moon to tell him I was buying things for her 10th birthday party this weekend. "Wow" he said. 

Wow.

That's a perfect choice of word to describe my perfect girl. Elin was the best we've ever seen her on her birthday this weekend. Happy and relaxed and even sitting in her chair for ages outside!! First time ever she has sat in a chair at her party!!! It was the biggest and best yet, with about 60 people including 15 kids squashed into the cottage garden (plus the field next-door which the farmer down the road very kindly let us 'borrow')!!! Also, following 12 hours of torrential downpour on Friday, Saturday didn't have a drop of rain. The sun always shines for Elin. 

The cherry on top of the cake was that this year, we have asked for donations to Wrexham Special Care Baby Unit (Cherish) in place of gifts for Elin (she has so much of what she needs already and we wanted to make a gesture of thanks to the place that saved her life 10 years ago today) . So far our friends, family and acquaintances have between them given Elin over £1,000 to donate to SCBU!!! As the consultant said in the supermarket..WOW.  I can't believe the generosity and we are absolutely humbled by it. The love and support Elin has, even from those who hardly know her, is just incredible. I sometimes think in certain situations I wonder what Elin would say if she could. If she could, in this instance, she would definitely say thank you. Thank you all for the care, love, support and unending kindness.

I was worried I would find this weekend emotional, but aside from the odd tiny wobble it's just been absolutely wonderful. A perfect 10. Just like Elin.

Elin did get SOME presents, I hasten to add...(as if you hadn't guessed)

Favourite moment of party: Bouncy Castle fun!!!!

Favourite present: Wireless, light up headphones that play music of our choice to her :-)

So that's the end of another party, another birthday and the start of a new chapter for Elin as she enters double digits. Thanks to all for your cards, your gifts, your donations, your well wishes, your kind comments and your thoughtfulness. Thanks for continuing to follow this blog and continuing to take such an interest in our miracle girl. We can't wait to see what the next 10 years holds! Happy Birthday, Elin.

"The only time you should ever look back, is to see how far you've come"

xxxxx